Creatin an Artistic "SELF"

Who am I? Who am I as an artist? I ask myself these questions a lot, A LOT! I don't remember much from my early childhood, but it seems that the things that are the most clear to me are the characters from Disney movies and other cartoons. I most distinctly remember The Little Mermaid! It was the greatest movie I had even seen, and though I was only 5 when it was released, I can still remember seeing it in theaters! It was the first movie mom and dad had ever taken me to theaters to watch and it changed my life. When it was finally released to VHS, I watched it every single day (sometimes even multiple times a day). I watched it so much that the tape became weak and some parts of the movie wouldn't play properly. I could quote the entire movie! But the most important thing was that I drew Ariel so much that I could even draw her with out even looking at a picture her. I identified myself with Ariel from that movie so much that at one point ( when I was 16 in fact) I even dyed my hair red to look like her. It seems strange now to recall that story but it is true. I feel that that movie defined me in some way that I can never fully put into words. Even to this day I still long to work for Disney. In fact Disney movies where what made me realize I could draw, and liked to draw, in the first place. They were how I marked my talent as an artist; how accurately I could render their likeness became a test to me. I believe that is why I love the human form so much. I never wanted to draw anything else and still don't find anything can hold my interest as well as a live model and dramatic lighting. I know that this strays from the original topic of ones artistic "self" a bit but with out that one experience I don't think I would even be an artist today. I know that now I am drawn to emotion and more importantly my own, I know that I have certain media that I really love; but I still think of that one movie every time I doubt myself as an artist. I feel that one experience shaped me so much that it would be impossible to have ever become anything else. I still am dealing with the personal and internal question of self and until I find that answer I may never make single piece of work I really like; but I know that I identify myself as an artist. I know that I do so largely in part due to that one event in my life. Yes, there have been others that have reaffirmed this pull to be an artist and communicate visually; but that is the one that seems the most self defining.

Expressing an Artistic Attitude

I guess as for me and my artistic attitude, I really haven't thought about it. I would say that I am very much about the emotional aspect of art. It is what I look to experience from art. It is the experience I want to get from a work of art I view and what I long to create for a viewer viewing my own work. I mark a good work of art (in my own opinion) by the emotional response it creates with in me. If it moves me to tears (good or bad) or makes me feel fuzzy headed then, to me at least, it is a great piece of art. I want that same response to my artwork from viewer. I suppose then that my artistic attitude would then be an intense one, that can be dramatic and personal. In fact my work is very personal. You could say that I use myself as my subject matter. I feel that I know the most about myself and there for can make the best art about what I feel. It is personal because it is my own response to something, anything. I have a very shy attitude about my art though, I hate showing it to others because I fear they won't understand it. I worry that because it is so personal and internal that anyone else may not have a clue what I'm really trying to express.

Exercise I

1. what work have you made that seems most yours and why?
-I guess it would be my most recent work. I really haven't had much time to find myself, I've been so busy between work and just getting assingments done. I really feel like Im trying to discover myself as an artist in these works.

2. Who are artists that are making work that relates to you? Are ther other influences connected to your work?
- I would say that I really don't know of anyone making work like mine, I really just stumbled upon the way I'm working now. If I were to choose an artist that I find inspiring, I would have to say right now it would be Kiki Smith. Her work is so emotional and amazing. Looking at her work makes me want to draw.

3. I belive that civilizations can not servive with out art because it is a way of communication, before technology or even writen language it was important for people to communicate ideas and information. It is how people understod religious ideals and how people passed on vital information to each other. I also believe that it is a basic human need we all feel. We must express our internal thoughts and feelings in order to make sense of them and the world around us. Art is another way of doing this as is music.

4. Which of these ideas resonates most with you and why?
-I guess for me it would have to be the first choice. Art is something I do out in the world. I take what I feel and make it a visible and sometimes tangable thing. I love that idea of taking something internal untouchable and making it a object that can be seen and understud. Kiki Smith said in an interview with PBS back in 2008 that art is about taking what is inside and making it visible to the world, it is a part of your insides outside for all to see.

5. What do you notice about yourself? what are your methods? subject matter?
-I have noticed that is much easier for me to draw when I am mad or upset as opposed to being happy. I often make work about my own feelings. I don't know why this is but is what I've been drawn to lately. It is almost as though I've become obsessed with the idea of makeing my emotions a visible, tangable thing for others to experiance.

6. What do you care about?
- I care about humanity. I care about life, love, hate, fear, sadness, anger. I care about how we feel inside. when look at people I wonder what they are feeling internally. I care about the people around me. I care how they feel, how the think and how I can help. People, and more importantly loved ones are my concern.

drawing for an extra credit

new drawing

Thursdays Guest Crit. March 8th

Todays Critique was a guest Critique, It was alittle nerve racking for me because I really didn't know how others would react to my work. Especially people who don't know me as a friend or student. It turned out to be rather helpful and encouraging. . .

The first person to critique my work was Denise, a student at Flagler. She told me that the best thing to do is just keep making lots and lots of work. She said "when in doubt, pump it out". She also told me she has the same stuggles of over thinking about the content of the work and that sometimes hinders her form moving forward, she said the best thing to do is just not think about it.

The next Crit came from teach Angela Verga. She suggested that the colors in my work might be distracting and taking away form the quality of the work. She said the color seemed distracting to her and suggested that I try to make prints of these Images, and perhaps add limited colors. This might help the impact of the subject matter.

My Third Critique came from Russel, a teach at Flagler also. He told me to just keep making more and more of these. Make lots and lots.

Lastly Student Leah suggested that perhaps I should limit my color pallete.

All in all I really enjoyed the guest critique and found the suggestions very helpful. Thanks everyone for your imput.